"You're not right for me" - and how one phrase changed my attitude to dating

For a long time, I treated dating as something temporary. Something like a temporary airport: a transfer between loneliness and a real relationship. In this space https://www.sofiadate.com/dating-tips/signs-of-heartbreak you hang out, endlessly evaluate, like, scroll. You think - "maybe the next one will be the one?"

But day after day, meeting after meeting, profile after profile - everything seemed the same. Profiles with smiles, phrases like "I love to travel", "I'm looking for sincerity", and conversations that in 9 out of 10 cases ended with the word "cool".

And then one day I heard:
"You're not right for me."

No rudeness. No offense. Just honestly. And - calmly. It was not a rejection. It was... a turn.

For some reason, this phrase helped me stop and understand:
I wasn't looking for a person all this time, I was looking for a match.

As if dating is a list of requirements, and I am a verification checklist. But no one is obliged to "match". And no one has to "prove" that they are worthy.

We are not puzzles that have to fit together at the edges. We are people. With a past. With fears. With different accents in the voice and habits in morning tea.

And when you let go of the idea of ​​"finding the right one", there is a chance to notice the real one.

After this conversation, I began to behave differently. Listen more. Ask more gently. Don't wait for coincidences - look for a response.

I met a girl with whom we have little in common on paper. I am an introvert. She is loud laughter and a bunch of friends. I love the evening silence. She is long conversations with a guitar on the balcony.

But it was with her that I realized that I no longer wanted to be “suitable”. With her, I can be tired, silent, weird, and it doesn’t cause fear of being abandoned.

She didn’t try to change me. I didn’t try to fix her. We are just there. Without promises, but with warmth.

My new dating principle is simple:

No one owes anything to anyone.

You can dislike them, and it doesn’t make you worse.

The present happens in pauses, not in attempts to impress.

Being yourself is not a strategy. It is a luxury you can afford.

Since then, when someone disappears without an explanation, I don’t get offended. When the correspondence dies down, I don’t chase. Because I know: you won’t miss yours.

You won’t miss a person with whom it’s easy. With whom silence is not awkwardness. With whom you can not correspond for days, and then continue as if there was no pause.

Online dating didn't give me love right away.
But it gave me the understanding that love is not a coincidence of profiles.
It's when you say:
"I don't know why we met. But with you I feel calm."

And sometimes that means more than any "we're perfect for each other."